Feminine Vulnerability
@tailored.art
Hello Goddesses,
It’s a new year and I am excited about all the potential for change and growth for us beautiful women. Today, I want to talk about feminine vulnerability and what that looks like with a masculine man. Let me first say that I believe some women use feminine vulnerability way too early and with the wrong men. They use it with men that they have not formed an emotional bond with and with men that are not really showing signs of strong interest. This is when it backfires. When it is used in the wrong way, vulnerability becomes a method to control men as a woman tries to produce a desired outcome. This is not real feminine vulnerability. This is masculine controlling energy, disguised as the Feminine.
“When it is used in the wrong way, vulnerability becomes a method to control men”
A high-value feminine woman would not begin to show true vulnerability with a man that was not showing up for her. What do I mean by showing up? I mean - spending his time consistently pursuing her, spending his resources on impressing her, cherishing her feelings, and moving the relationship forward at a reasonable pace. It is when feminine vulnerability is used in this context that a Goddess unleashes her real magic.
“It is when feminine vulnerability is used in this context that a Goddess unleashes her real magic”
Let’s unpack what true vulnerability looks like. Vulnerability takes a deep inner strength that can only come about by deep inner work. You must be able to know your inner emotional landscape before being able to share it with your man. If you are not intimate with yourself, you are just speaking from mental concepts about things that bother you that you want to change. Most importantly, to practice feminine vulnerability, you must be a bit seasoned on the Goddess path. This means:
You have made a commitment to take responsibility for your inner emotional state
You have begun a diligent practice of getting in touch with your deep feelings before reacting
You can begin to pinpoint the negative ego stories that trigger you
With all of the above things at play, you are able to practice feminine vulnerability. Now, let’s go even deeper. Practicing true vulnerability looks like:
“This does not feel good to me and I can feel it deep in my body. I am sharing this with you as my man, not to control you, but to connect my heart to yours. You need to do nothing to fix it because I am fiercely strong on the inside. However, since you are my masculine man that gains such great pleasure from my happiness, I fully allow you to cherish my feelings and do what is necessary to provide, protect, and cherish me. If you choose not to, it’s okay, I know how to make myself feel better and I will not blame you.”
“This does not feel good to me and I can feel it deep in my body”
Vulnerability is really about sharing the scared and weaker parts of ourselves. It is about not expecting a man to fix your issues or problems. That said, a man who cherishes you will give it his best shot. He will do this only when he knows you do not expect him to. He will try to race you to the finish line to help you feel better.
Let me give you a real-life example. If you are a regular blog reader of mine, then you know about my wonderful, dreamy, masculine husband, El Guapo. Whenever something is wrong with me, I go to my most vulnerable place and share it with him. This is what a conversation looks like between us:
Me -“ I feel ___ and I know it’s not your responsibility to make me feel better”
El Guapo - “Yes, I know but I want to do that for you. My goal in life is to make you happy.”
Me - “Awwww… you are so wonderful, thank you!
This only works because I always take responsibility for my inner state. Before I end, I will give you some more examples of vulnerable expressions:
I feel really scared about your decision to make such a big purchase. I feel a rumbling in my stomach (tummy) when I think of it.
I feel insecure when you say that. I don’t think I want to see that aspect of myself. It makes me feel like I have a sharp knife in my heart.
I feel so overwhelmed with it all. I am feeling lost and hopeless. I feel like my body is drifting out to sea.
I feel so angry right now! I feel like my whole body is on fire and my fists are fireballs.
“I always take responsibility for my inner state”
Okay, I know some of these sound a bit dramatic, but I can guarantee you that your man would love you to communicate like this instead of the usual blame, attack, criticism, or passive-aggressive shutdown. The physical sensations I describe in the above examples are super important. It is what makes you feminine. You can feel your feelings in your body. You are one with the ebb and flow of your emotions. You are connected to the universe through the portal of your own body. This is your power!!!
“You are connected to the universe through the portal of your own body”
Remember… true feminine vulnerability is about being connected to your inner self and then being able to share that without expecting an external change. This is when real intimacy can be shared between two people.
Much love,
Malena xoxo