Relationships Are Not Meant to Make you Happy
PHOTO: ILONA OLKONEN
The more I think about The Art of Loving a Man the more I realize how much healing a woman must do within her own heart in order to practice all the wonderful things I talk about here on this blog. If you read my blog you know that I have some particular things that are required of you in order to be that soft, sweet, yet powerful Goddess that you were born to be. One of the most important practices is the art of emotional management. If you are not in touch with your feelings and know how to deal with the pain in your heart when it comes up then you will not be able to truly love a man. This is because the love you have for him is created and nurtured inside you and then extended into the relationship. The love you feel is not something from outside yourself. It is not something he gives you and then you give back. It begins with you. The peace and love you bring to your relationship is the love in your own heart. If your heart is wounded and closed then you will bring that broken energy to your man and no matter what he does, good or bad, you will find a way to sabotage it and then you will blame him and think you are the victim.
The reality is you are only a victim to the pain inside you and the voice in your head that replays your past. The voice that tells you that you are not good enough, that true love does not exist, that romance is dead and that all men are jerks. In order to have a truly beautiful relationship with a man you must focus on the real work which is inside you. Men are not the enemy. They are just like us women, wounded and doing the best they can.
I believe every man has the potential to love greatly. It is the woman in front of him that will trigger his fear or love and that will determine which side of his personality shows up for you. I can write about this from personal experience. El Guapo (my boyfriend) was one of the biggest commitment phobic men that existed on this planet when we first met and I was filled with fear and pain that triggered him. So we did the famous dance of me being needy and out of control and him pulling away and never committing. I triggered his fears because of the unresolved pain in my heart and he triggered mine. Everything changed when I changed. I did the hard and painful (most days I felt like I was literally dying) work of healing the broken energies in my heart and without expectations he shifted and shifted until he became my prince charming. It is magical how it happens. A big piece is that I did not expect or need him to change. I did my work and knew in my heart I would find a wonderful man to love me the way I needed. If it was him fine, if not fine! Now my heart is pure and clean and the love I bring to the relationship is sweet and pure. He now reflects all of this back to me with love and commitment.
Remember relationships are not here to make you happy. They are mirrors to reflect to you where your barriers to love are. They exist to trigger your wounds and show you where you need healing. When you shift your perspective and see each struggle as an opportunity to look within, get in touch with your feelings and heal then you are well on your way to learning The Art of Loving a Man.