What to do When Men Retreat to their Caves
Over and over again I am reminded that men are different creatures and react to stress differently than women. They close up and shut down to feel better. While women need to share, connect and sometimes cuddle in order to feel better when they are stressed out. A Goddess knows that in order to create emotional safety for her man, she absolutely MUST give him space when he is stressed or not feeling emotionally or mentally well. A Goddess has her own life and her own ability to conjure up good feelings when her man needs to retreat to his cave. She does not take it personal or go chasing after him. She lets him come back when he is ready. She knows that if she stays centered, he will cherish her for her ability to give him space. Then when he is feeling better (1 hr/1 day/3 days??) he will return and show her more affection and attention. Sometimes a Goddess has to bite her tongue and take care of her own feelings during this time, but she does it with courage and compassion. See below blog from John Gray - www.marsvenus.com
Much Love,
Malena
Instagram - @artoflovingaman 💕
For one-on-one Relationship Coaching, contact me- theartoflovingaman@gmail.com
--—‐‐------------------------------------------------
How to talk to a man who is in "his cave"
Relationship Advice from John Gray
Has this scenario ever played out in your relationship?
You and your man are getting along just fine and, with no notice, he changes. He is more quiet and distant, he doesn't ask about you and and there is no action in the bedroom. It feels like he has left and forgot to tell you where he was going or when he would return.
For most men, the natural reaction to stress is to look inside and reflect internally to deal with the problem. This usually causes men to pull away in a relationship when stress enters his life, whether it's stress from inside the relationship or outside the relationship.
Many women come to me with this problem in their relationship. I think it's important women (and men) understand how to deal with this male behavior. It also helps to recognize what is legitimate “cave” behavior, and when he is simply trying to avoid conflict or responsibility.
When a man is upset or stressed, he will often stop talking and go to his “cave.” No one else is allowed in that cave, not even his best friends and especially not his partner.
This does not always mean there is a problem in the relationship. It simply means that he has a problem that he’s trying to solve and he isn’t ready to talk about it or ask for help. In fact, asking for help is the last thing a man in his cave would do because he is in there trying to solve the problem on his own.
A man's self-esteem is based in part on his ability to solve problems, and to accomplish the things necessary to be a good man, and partner. Once he has enough time to either come to a solution, or he realizes he needs assistance, he will come out.
If it feels like your partner has pulled away because of stress, the most helpful thing that you can do is to trust that he will return when he’s ready and able. On the other hand, if you feel that there’s a bigger issue related to your relationship that he is avoiding, you need to communicate your feelings to him in a way that he is open to hearing.
Here are some tips for talking with a man when he has pulled away:
1. Keep it brief. Before you open up to him, make sure that you are clear on what you want to say.
2. Be clear. If you’re not clear, practice before talking to him with a friend. You also want to be sure that whomever you practice with will not judge you or your situation because it could cloud your ability to work through what you need to say.
3. Stay positive. If you find yourself wanting to get angry, blame him, or argue, then this is the wrong time to talk. That is exactly the time to talk to a girlfriend or someone you trust to fully express your feelings.
If this email reminds you of your man or your relationship, I encourage you to read my book Why Mars and Venus Collide. In that book, I explain a great technique for talking to a man that has pulled away. I call it a Venus Talk and it will greatly help women express their feelings in a positive way while men feel that they have helped solve a problem.
Grow in love,
John Gray