What Makes a Man Commit to a Woman?
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Hello Goddesses,
I am finally back and have made it to my desk to type up this new blog. The holidays got a bit hectic, and life in general seems to pull me in so many directions. It can be challenging to decide which topic I would like to write about. Sometimes, I just have to begin typing to see what comes out. Today, I think I want to write about men and commitment. This is a big one! It is such a hot topic and at the heart of so many problems my clients come to me for.
As I see it, there are two types of commitment. The first type is the initial commitment where a man asks for monogamy and wants a long-term commitment with you. Then, there is the second type of commitment where you continue to inspire your man to stay physically and emotionally committed through the years. Both are important and both take persistent inner work and diligence.
For this blog, I will deal with the first type of commitment. It really is an interesting question - What makes a man choose one woman over another to commit to? Here are my beliefs.
First, there must be chemistry! I literally mean he must feel chemically drawn to you. This means he loves your body’s scent, the way you walk gets him excited, and how you move your mouth when you talk gives him chills. This is where he is initially drawn to you because you turn him on. Remember, a man won’t feel this intense chemistry with every woman but if he does feel it for you, you will know. Also, remember that at this point, he is not bonded to you; he is just following his instincts and is physically attracted to you.
“This means he loves your body’s scent”
The next step is everything! It is when the emotional attraction begins or quickly ends. This is where he decides how he FEELS about you. This is directly related to what he is discovering about the level of value you hold for yourself. This will determine the next step on his commitment journey. I know the term “value” is a bit of an obscure term so let me explain…
Are you a woman who settles for crumbs, or do you require continuous acts of courting with romance and chivalry?
Are you a woman who moves things too quickly, or are you a woman who knows to move slowly and be selective?
Are you a woman who is connected to herself enough that she can tell when a man sees her as a prize or just an option, and then refuses to be that option?
Are you a woman who allows him to text instead of pick up the phone or talk for months without dating regularly, or are you a woman who sweetly let’s him know that you are looking for more and is willing to let him and his mediocre efforts go?
Are you a woman who allows him to come and go, or are you a woman who only accepts continuity?
Are you a woman who invests herself emotionally before he has earned it, or are you a woman who is patient and watches to see if a man’s words match his actions?
Are you a woman who controls and pushes a man toward commitment to ease her own fears and insecurities, or are you a woman who instinctively knows to lean back, receive his masculine gifts, and inspire a man to draw you into a deeper level of intimacy/relationship?
Are you a woman who treats sex casually and seeks instant connection through being physical, or are you a woman who treats her body like a temple and requires a man to know and love her heart and mind before he can enter?
Are you a woman who seeks happiness and fulfillment outside of her relationship, or are you secretly empty inside, waiting for a man to make you feel whole and happy?
Are you a woman who does not know how to handle her emotions and communicates with only anger, criticism and blame, or are you a woman who is intimate with her own emotions, takes responsibility, and can express herself lovingly and with vulnerability?
I think you get my point. Please know that during the dating process, men are watching and assigning value to you based on all of these things. Men see what you expect, allow, and entertain and they act accordingly. Men are not bad by nature. They do not do this because they are evil. They treat women poorly because left to their own devices, they will be reckless and stunted in their emotional and spiritual growth.
“Men see what you expect, allow, and entertain and they act accordingly”
A woman is a man’s oracle. She steps into his life and shines a light into his heart, moving him to grow and mature. A true Goddess touches a boy’s soul and turns him into a man.
A man sees how a woman values herself, and he knows he must grow up and stop his boyish ways if he is to keep her in his life. He knows a good woman that values herself will require him to become a man and love her more than he loves himself and his freedom.
A true Goddess showers a man with her feminine love and high value energy, and he is never the same after. He chooses a life where she is always in it because he cannot envision a life without her presence. He loves how he feels around her. He loves working for her affections and pleasing her. He loves the feeling he gets from meeting her expectations. He knows deep in his heart he has a higher purpose than being single and sleeping around. He knows providing, protecting, and cherishing a woman fulfills him in ways he could not be fulfilled on his own.
“He loves working for her affections and pleasing her”
He becomes a man when he is moved to spiritually give up his selfishness and open his heart, but remember… he must see the value a woman has for herself or he can not transform.
This is why so many men won’t commit these days. It’s because women have lost their way. They have lost their inner connection to themselves and their higher power, and they do not know where to find their value. They search for it outside of themselves and look for it in a man. This leaves men so confused because they know they cannot give a woman value first. They are perplexed by the assumption that it should come from them and not from deep inside a woman’s soul first.
So, if you find yourself with a commitment issue with your man, I want you to look at yourself. I want you to honestly think about your beliefs about what you deserve and what is possible for yourself. I want you to start to monitor your thoughts and behaviors so you can begin the process of inner change.
I want you to review the list above and learn more about your past fears and old pains that are guiding you. You must be willing to shed that old skin and become someone new - a woman whose value comes from within and does not depend on a man to feel good.
In a relationship with a man, you must first know your value and then relate from that place. Then, a man will reflect that back to you by seeing and treating you as a high value woman. So if you choose a particular man and he feels you are the right woman for him, he will instinctively know what to do and nothing can stand in his way. He will move mountains to commit to you!
Much Love,
Malena xoxo
Instagram: @artoflovingaman