A Feminine Woman's Guide to Feeling
“One of the most important practices to learn is the art of emotional management. If you are not in touch with your feelings and know how to deal with the pain in your heart, you will not truly be able to love a man. This is because the love you have for him is created and nurtured inside you and then extended into the relationship. It is not something he gives you and then you give back. The peace and love you bring to your relationship reflect the love in your own heart.”
- Malena
Hello Lovely Goddesses,
I posted the above quote a while ago and it remains such a core teaching in “The Art of Loving a Man” philosophy. How we handle our negative emotions and how we express our positive feelings is everything! Managing negative emotion is the difference between a high-value woman and a woman a man feels he needs to distance from. Knowing how to control and express these negative emotions is also the key to making a man feel like he wants to commit to you, cherish your feelings, and put your needs above his own.
“Managing negative emotion is the difference between a high-value woman and a woman a man feels he needs to distance from”
The million-dollar question is how do you manage your feelings/emotions? The answer is - you learn to actually FEEL them. Yes, I said FEEL them. Feel the raw energy (emotion) moving through your body. This is especially important when you feel triggered and experience negative emotions. You begin by feeling the tightness in your throat. Feel the compression in your chest. Feel the fire in your belly and the steel cage wrapped around your heart. After you feel….. you let go.
“Feel the raw energy (emotion) moving through your body”
It is important to feel these sensations because they are what fuel your reactions. Your compulsive negative thinking and off-balance reactions are a distraction to feeling. Most women avoid deeply feeling by escaping into the dark forest of their minds and into the circus of their dramatic reactions. Don’t beat yourself up though because most people will do anything to not feel the pain that is buried deep in their bones and cells.
Just remember… Feeling = Healing. When you feel deeply, without your mind and its chatter, you release the energy so it no longer fuels your thoughts and behaviors. This allows you to be more calm, vulnerable, open-hearted, compassionate, and able to express yourself in a softer non-threatening way. This is a feminine woman’s superpower.
“This is a feminine woman’s superpower”
Feelings are energy, and most of what triggers you is deep pain or energy from the past that we have resisted. It finally gets a chance to come up and out if you let it. This old pain comes from a time when we were hurt and could not protect ourselves (childhood) and we had to suppress feelings in order to carry on. We pushed it down and hid in our minds creating elaborate stories to distract us. Then, because the energy is still alive in us, it calls out into the universe, summoning circumstances and people (relationships) that would activate it so it could resurface and get a chance to be felt.
Then, new people and relationships start to trigger us and because we are cut off from our feelings (feminine energy), we are limited in creating a new experience. It is now too painful to be vulnerable and too painful to love with an open heart. We reluctantly settle and just re-live the same experiences over and over.
“We pushed it down and hid in our minds, creating elaborate stories to distract us”
Yet, each of us hits a breaking point where the pain of closing down becomes too much. After one disappointing experience after another, we say to ourselves - “I can’t take the prison of my own mind and another failed relationship” “There must be another way?” “Love and relationships were meant to feel good!”
Then, the search is on! We read books, listen to podcasts, and Google fervently looking for answers. We think the answer must be some ancient hidden secret we just have to uncover. Is it more meditation, forgiveness, therapy, prayer, or journal writing?
Well yes, those things do help soften the edges but ultimately, the answer is in feeling and letting go.
feeling the pain so it can finally release
feeling the pain to create intimacy within yourself as you merge with deeper layers of your being
feeling the pain because it gives you access to also feeling deep joy and love. Your emotional world is like one whole system. If you suppress one side, you suppress the other.
letting go of identifying with the ego-mind (fearful, negative stories and thoughts)
letting go of resistance to the present moment and all the painful feelings it brings up in you
The present moment is your sacred healing ground. In this space, if you disengage from your ego, or your thinking mind, and focus on your inner energy, you can allow your painful feelings to arise so you can FEEL them and they can dissolve.
“The present moment is your sacred healing ground”
Remember, as you focus on the pain and FEEL it, it will transmute back into life force energy, or Shakti. The alchemical process of life is in your hands. We were not meant to be so miserable locked in our minds. We were meant to experience life each moment in its fullness with all its light and darkness. We were meant to FEEL! We were meant to have a disappointing moment, but then let it go. We were meant to see a rose, feel like shedding a tear at its beauty, and then let that good feeling pass through us like the wind.
My blog speaks to naturally feminine women and my guidance is that the answer is in a present moment FEELING practice. This is where healing takes place. The triggers are gifts bringing you to a moment of release. If you keep experiencing the same sad and disappointing circumstances with your relationship or man, stop for a minute, drop all resistance, and feel the feelings that stir inside you. Feel them without your mind, relax deeply, let go, and let the natural healing intelligence of your body and soul take you to a new place.
Much Love,
Malena xoxo