How A Single Goddess Does Valentine’s Day
Hello Beautiful Goddesses,
I have been struggling with what to write about for this Valentine’s Day. Maybe it’s the pandemic or the continued unraveling of intimate relationships that I see so often that has me feeling a bit sad. What I do know is that if you do not have a special someone to make you feel special on this day, then you must do it for yourself.
Re-frame what this day is about. Let’s call it Self-Love day for the people that are on their healing journey. My biggest piece of advice for you is – do something that feels good! Make or order in your favorite breakfast, go on a hike, get your nails done, garden, have brunch with a friend, binge Netflix, put whip cream on your coffee, workout, call your mother or father (this is a giving gesture), and stay off social media. Make it your dominant intent to feel good today no matter what.
“My biggest piece of advice for you is – do something that feels good!”
Next - Be the guardian of your mind. Your ego is going to take you to very dark places. It’s going to run the story that you are not worthy, not good enough, can’t get it right, will always be lonely, are a victim and no one loves you. STOP! Don’t force yourself to have better thoughts, just don’t believe nor invest in the dark ones. Relax, take a deep breath, and repeat this mantra – “I am not my thoughts, I am the observer of my thoughts.” Then, relax deeper, feel the pain in your body (feels like hot coal, feels like an erupting volcano, feels like an iceberg, or feels like a million tiny needles), and let the pain have its moment in your awareness and exhale and let it go. I know it will hurt but as you must feel the pain so it can leave you.
After you do your feeling work, get back to leaning toward thoughts and things that feel better. Even if you go from complete despair to apathy, it is a jump up the emotional scale and it will serve you well.
If you are single or in a situationship (same thing) and not feeling good about it this year, then this is the year you will be practicing a very deep spiritual practice – The Art of Feeling good no matter what is happening around you. I know it may sound strange but this is deep healing work. You are the center of your own universe and how you feel (love, grace, joy, and compassion) is everything. If you can learn to feel good/love within yourself, your situationship will dissolve and your dream man will show up.
If your situationship or FWB lets you down it’s time to have an honest moment with yourself about your expectations in love. This is the moment to love yourself more than a man that is not putting forth time, effort, and commitment. Remember a man will only rise to the expectations you set forth for him. So take your energy off the particular man and invest it in healing so you can feel more value and self-love and raise your healthy expectations about what love should look like.
“A man will only rise to the expectations you set forth for him”
Make a commitment to yourself that on this day you will be 100% focused on what feels good to you and what makes you happy, instead of what you don’t have or what someone else has. This work will signal to the universe that you value yourself above all else and guess what? You are programming the world and the people in it to value you.
Something that will help you, even more, is to get in touch with your higher power. Whatever that means for you. This could be listening to music, going into nature, going to church, prayer, or something else. Make your higher power your V-day date. This way you will be courted and taken care of by the greatest lover of all - divine love!
Also, if you have a boyfriend or husband (not a hookup, situationship, or friends with benefits) and you are disappointed in what they do or give you, you are going to have to look for the silver lining in what they did. Do not focus on what they didn’t do. On another day, you can softly express how much you love to be romanced on this day but don’t do it on actual V-day. It will only make your partner feel like a failure and feel like they can never make you happy. This feeling is always death to the relationship.
So, take a deep breath and gather the courage to really feel the pain and disappointment, and then use your self-will to move on to taking care of yourself. Care about how you feel more than worrying about a man that is not showing up for you.
“Care about how you feel more than worrying about a man that is not showing up for you”
To help with the processing of the pain, I have reposted an excerpt from Michael Singer’s book, 'The Untethered Soul' below. Good luck, my dear Goddess and remember - a Goddess never stays in victimhood about what she didn’t get from a man. She conjures up her own light instead and gives it to herself.
“A Goddess never stays in victimhood about what she didn’t get from a man. She conjures up her own light instead and gives it to herself”
Excerpt below from - Michael Singer’s book, 'The Untethered Soul':
“When you feel pain, simply view it as energy. Just start seeing these inner experiences as energy passing through your heart and before the eye of your consciousness. Then relax. Do the opposite of contracting and closing. Relax and release. Relax your heart until you are actually face-to-face with the exact place where it hurts. Stay open and receptive so you can be present right where the tension is. You must be willing to be present right at the place of the tightness and pain, and then relax and go even deeper. This is very deep growth and transformation. But you will not want to do this. You will feel tremendous resistance to doing this, and that’s what makes it so powerful. As you relax and feel the resistance, the heart will want to pull away, to close, to protect, and to defend itself. Keep relaxing. Relax your shoulders and relax your heart. Let go and leave room for the pain to pass through you. It’s just energy. Just see it as energy and let it go.
If you close around the pain and stop it from passing through, it will stay in you. That is why our natural tendency to resist is so counterproductive. If you don’t want the pain, why do you close around it and keep it. Do you actually think that if you resist, it will go away? It’s not true. If you release and let the energy pass through. Then it will go away. If you relax when the pain comes up inside your heart, and actually dare to face it, it will pass. Every single time you relax and release, a piece of the pain leaves forever. Yet every time you resist and close, you are building up the pain inside. It’s like damming up a stream. You are then forced to use the psyche to create a layer of distance between you who experiences the pain and the pain itself. That is what all the noise is inside your mind: an attempt to avoid the stored pain.”
Much Love,
Malena 💕