When Your Man Needs Time Away From You
Love Love Love!!! I found this article that perfectly describes what to DO and NOT DO when a man pulls away. This is a very big topic in the relationship coaching world and one of the most difficult things for women to learn. Truthfully this is the thing that I find most challenging in my relationship. Even though “El Guapo” consistently showers me with love and affection there are times when his business causes him so much stress he withdraws. When this happens I feel like my heart is being torn from my chest and my crazy thoughts take off. Yet, now I know how to reverse all the craziness and handle it like a Goddess-Boss! This is because I have done lots of healing of my fearful mind (developed observer mind) and accept the fact that men withdraw under stress. Yet, being able to handle your man’s withdrawal takes an immense about of willpower. You need willpower in order to not react dramatically or engage in irrational behaviors. This goddess willpower must be developed if you are to relax into your feminine essence while a man pulls away. Relaxing into your feminine essence means letting go of control and allowing your man to do what he needs to do, while trusting he will emotionally and physically return when he is ready. Now please always remember there are situations where men are pulling away because they are not that into you and you are not a priority to them. That is a different situation. Read below article from Mirabelle Summers that I enjoyed so much. I found it on this website - https://commitmentconnection.com/
Much Love,
Malena
How to Get Around His Emotional Wall so That He Never Wants to Leave
By, Mirabelle Summers
Let me ask you something…
Have you ever felt so deeply connected with your man … his arms around you, feeling warm and happy and giggly and safe and utterly RIGHT…
Only to feel that WALL come down between you?
Almost out of nowhere?
Almost without warning?
And you feel sick to your stomach as you start to realize…
He’s pulling away.
And you don’t know why… or what you can do to FIX it.
If you’ve ever experienced anything like this for yourself… then you need to listen to what I’m about to say next…
Because whether YOUR man is ‘checking out’ of the relationship emotionally or not…
You NEED to know what to do when your man pulls away from you BEFORE it happens…
…Why?
Because trying to DRAG his love back to you when you’re already losing him is like trying to learn how to swim when you’re already drowning.
Look: I learned this myself, the hard way.
It cost me relationship after relationship, heartbreak after heartbreak.
And after years of seeing the men I loved walk out of my life, leaving me desperate and sobbing and bloody and broken…
…I finally got smart and decided to take control of my love life.
That’s why I made it my life’s work to uncover the secret psychology of men…
And the incredible hidden NEEDS that your man has… that all men have (but will never tell you about because of how vulnerable it would make him feel)…
And I want to share 3 of those secret, POWERFUL needs with you right now.
So if you want to prevent any man from EVER pulling away from you again… and DRAG his desire and devotion 100% back to YOU (where it belongs), forever…
Then there are just THREE things you need to know:
1. Thing One:
Men periodically NEED to pull away from ANY relationship… in exactly the same way YOU need to stop eating dinner when you’re stuffed to bursting.
Weird but true:
To a man, love is like food.
Like such good food.
But even with the BEST food in the world… even if he’s been STARVING for years…
Eventually, he’s still going to get full.
Let me paraphrase Dr John Gray here, from Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus (and by the way, if you haven’t already read it, you should)…
But basically, a guy’s heart can only hold so much emotional ‘food’ before he needs time to leave the table and digest.
In other words, him ‘pulling away’ is a normal and NATURAL part of the desire cycle.
He “eats”… he gets “full”… then he leaves the table for awhile so that he can get “hungry” again.
In other words, ALL MEN periodically NEED to ‘leave the table’. Otherwise, he’ll never feel that desperate craving to get close you to again.
Which is why having a man periodically pull back from you can actually be an incredibly good thing.
Because IF you handle it right (and I’m about to tell you how), when a man pulls away, it’s a GOLDEN opportunity to snap his attention, love, and desire right back onto you again… and closer than ever before.
Here’s how you do it…
2. Thing Two:
When a man pulls away, you must make an IMMEDIATE commitment to yourself to react in a way that most women WON’T, DON’T, OR CAN’T.
Here, I’ll paint you a little picture.
Let’s say you’ve noticed a distance in your man’s behavior lately.
Maybe he’s sending you less of those cute little texts you love receiving.
Maybe he’s starting to act quiet, distant, cold, and weird.
Or maybe he’s even told you outright that it’s not working and he ‘needs some space’.
What should you DO in this situation?
Well, first I’ll tell you what you SHOULDN’T do (which is exactly what 99% of women end up doing):
Don’t freak out!
Most women react to a man going distant by PANICKING and saying things like:
· ‘What’s wrong?’
• ‘Is it me?’
• ‘Did I do something wrong?’
• ‘Is everything okay?’
• ‘You seem distant…’
But if you panic, freak out, or get ‘clingy’, you will QUICKLY drive him further away than ever.
And here’s why…
When it comes to love, a man’s capacity to feel love and desire for you is INCREDIBLY dependent on just TWO things:
– His ability to make you happy, and …
– His ability to feel that you TRUST in him.
When a man perceives that he’s making you happy and that you TRUST him, his brain is flooded in a warm wash of happy chemicals.
He feels pride, ecstasy, euphoria, and a potent surge of sheer masculinity.
In other words, these two things… making you happy and earning your trust… this makes him feel like a MAN.
Don’t forget, while most men seem like they’re big, bad, confidence machines, they’re really walking around in their lives in a haze of insecurity, anxiety, and worries of being disrespected.
That’s why it’s so incredibly powerful when he feels your trust and respect in him.
It makes him stand up straight, feel ecstatic and warm and proud and strong, and ready to fight dragons for you just to feel it again.
But, if you freak out and react by trying to grab him and DRAG him back to you before he’s ready…
…then he (rightly) perceives that he’s NOT making you happy and you’re NOT trusting him.
Which triggers an instant and devastating surge of UNHAPPY chemicals in his brain.
The result?
Deep in his unconscious brain, he forges an unbreakable chemical link between ‘being around you’ with the unpleasant and deeply repulsive feeling of ‘being disrespected and distrusted as a man’.
And that’s when what WAS a simple, healthy, natural male instinct to ‘pull away’ in order to come CLOSER…
… now becomes a legitimate WALL between the two of you.
So how do you make sure this NEVER happens to you?
Keep reading…
3. Thing Three:
When a man pulls away, you need to EMBRACE it as the golden opportunity for a deeper, more incredible connection it really is.
If you feel like he’s pulling away (and he might very well be), here’s what you absolutely need to do:
– Relax and chill out.
– Avoid getting stressed.
– Remind yourself that all men do this, that it’s natural and healthy, that it’s literally FUELLING his ability to come closer to you…
– And most of all, you must allow him to pull back without freaking out, blaming or shaming him, and without trying to ‘fix’ it.
Because most of the time, there’s nothing TO fix.
It’s simply a man being a man … and getting closer to you in the only way he knows how:
By instinctively creating the DISTANCE between you that ends up driving a deeper, more connected CLOSENESS when he comes back your way again.
“But Mirabelle … I can’t just do nothing! How can you be so heartless??”
Ha.
Well, first of all, understand that I’m NOT telling you to do nothing.
What I’m saying is that you must relax.
And relaxing is not ‘nothing’!
Real relaxing means taking positive action to become a stronger, more awesome version of yourself.
Whether that’s reading a novel, seeing a friend, taking a walk, playing with your puppy, cooking a meal, working out…
…anything you do that truly relaxes you is taking positive action to build a better life, a healthier body, a stronger immune system…
… and probably also stronger friendships, better self-esteem, and a happier, more balanced mind.
So, relaxing is definitely NOT just nothing : )
But … hey, I get it. ‘Relaxing’ can feel downright IMPOSSIBLE when you feel like the man you love is slipping through your fingers and checking out of the relationship emotionally.
Plus, there’s the bitter truth: sometimes, a man pulling away really does spell trouble for your relationship……