Are You An Emotionally Available Woman?
Photo credit: Instagram @simply.blessings.photography
Hello Goddesses!
It’s been awhile since I have blogged. I have been knee deep in motherhood, family life and coaching. Oh how I have missed writing and sharing my thoughts with you. Today I want to ask you a very important question - Are you an emotionally available woman?
I know most women will quickly answer with an adamant yes! They will say yes - “I can figure out what makes me angry, sad, happy and disappointed.” They will say of course I am emotionally available because I am good at telling my man what he has done to make me angry, happy or sad. In this moment I challenge you to dig a bit deeper.
Do you really know how to fully experience an emotion/feeling or are you expressing what your mind thinks and what you are scared to feel and are pushing away? Put another way - Can you experience your present moment feelings in your body or are you only communicating the reactions of your old negative emotional stories of your past. Read that again! There is such a big difference yet it is lost on most people.
“Can you experience your present moment feelings in your body?”
Let’s me explain more clearly. Emotion is literally energy in motion. It needs to be felt/sensed before it can make its way through your body. Being emotionally available means you are aware of what’s happening inside of you. It means you have room inside yourself to feel all emotions - past, present, big, small, good and bad. It means you have developed a high tolerance to feel discomfort and pleasure (don’t forget the pleasure!!!) It means you don’t push your feelings away when they ride in like a tsunami, instead you ride the wave and let the energy of the feeling pulsate through your body until it passess leaving you clear to take action.
“Being emotionally available means you have room inside yourself for all emotions”
It also means that you don’t go hide in your mind where it’s so easy to recycle old stories steeped in fear. Let me give you a clue to whether you are emotionally available - If you are primarily lost in your thoughts a majority of the time trying to analyze everything that makes you feel bad or good then you are not truly feeling and therefore not emotionally available. When conflict or something good happens an emotionally available woman (aka feminine woman) goes into her body first, not her mind. She feels the pain, discomfort and breathes it through her belly and heart before she reacts. She becomes intimate with the her feelings before she starts thinking of a plan or what to say/do. She knows she first must deal with herself before she is ready to deal with someone else.
“Don’t go hide in your mind where it’s so easy to recycle old stories”
An emotionally available woman is intimate with her feelings. She knows the exact moment the energy inside her begins to shift. She feels the pull it has on her psyche and she grounds herself as not to get lost in the feelings chaos and fluctuations. She connects with her inner body and holds herself to the fire as she senses the texture and depth of the energy of her feelings. She rides it like a wave even when she does not know if and when it will end. She knows most of her intense feelings stem from her past and she is willing to let them go to be present with what is in front of her now. She does this knowing the experience will widen her capacity to respond in ways that will benefit her and bring her closer to the one she loves. She is not reactive. She is centered in the turbulence and expresses what is left after.
Being an emotionally available woman means you are AVAILABLE to meet the present moment even when it doesn’t feel good. All of this means that you have the ability and space for another person’s feelings too. You know how to deal with your own feelings, so conflict and interactions do not just become about you and how to quell your fears/insecurities. You have space for a man and his feelings and thoughts. You can tolerate your man’s anger, sadness, confusion and deep penetrating love. You are flexible and less rigid in your ways because you are not afraid of feeling. This is so important to a man. He wants to know that it’s not always just about you. His feelings matter too.
“Being an emotionally available woman means you are AVAILABLE to meet the present moment”
Once again, being an emotionally available woman means you are not afraid of your feelings (in your body not in your mind). You know they come and they go and you can handle them. This makes you an incredible partner because you are not spending all your time managing the relationship in order for it to not stimulate your fears and insecurities. You can relax and enjoy your man more. You can give him space to be who he is and show up for you. You can also feel into your body and know when you are dating a man that is not right for you. You are not scared to feel the disappointment or sadness from walking away. You can even deal with the shame for choosing the wrong man (again).
“You are not spending all your time managing the relationship in order for it to not stimulate your fears and insecurities”
The wonderful part about all this talk and work regarding feeling pain is that it allows you to also feel the deep beautiful connection with a man’s heart. Feeling is Feeling! You feel the bad so you can also deeply feel the good. Feeling and connecting to a man’s heart is only possible because you are so deeply connected to your own. Remember you cannot experience anything with a man that you are not experiencing within yourself and with your inner self.
When you trust that you can handle your feelings, you trust that you will pick a good man that can also handle them.
When you welcome and become intimate with your feelings, pains and pleasures, you will feel at home with a man that welcomes your pains and wants to please and pleasure you.
When you learn to accept and willingly move through the deep inner shifts that your feelings produce, you will be attracted and attract a man that accepts you and willingly desires to move through your feelings with you in an intimate relationship.
As I have repeated here in this blog for over 7 years…….Your path to a beautiful healthy, committed, loving relationship always begins with you and your willingness to show up for yourself! Hope this helps someone take their healing journey just a bit deeper.
Much Love,
Malena xoxo