Communication is Key

PHOTO: NISHE

Hello Wonderful Blog Readers,

It's been awhile since I have written a post because I am deep into wedding planning and life. The big day is September 30th and I am so  excited! I promise to post a pic. With that said it is very interesting what dynamics are coming up in my relationship these last few months. If I had to sum it up I would say the issues are about power/control and communication. Yikes! Those are big concepts. I am reminded again lately that relationships do not exist to make you happy (although they have that effect if done right), they are meant to make you grow. This means that the personal work/healing never ends. It just gets more manageable. Last night my fiancee, El Guapo, said to me with a bit of frustration in his voice, "Why can't  you just tell me directly what you want?" "Why do you have to play games and make me work so hard to figure out what you want?"  I was dumbfounded and a bit embarrassed to tell you the truth. How had I taken so many steps backward with my communication skills? I took a deep breathe and knew in that moment I had a choice. I could go into defensive mode and rail against him all the things he does wrong or I could do a little introspection and voice my feelings. The Goddess in me knew what to do immediately.  So I said "I did not realize I was not communicating my needs I apologize."  Then I proceeded to tell him what I preferred in this particular situation. I saw his face melt and all the tension between us disappeared. I really was wrong. I had brought up an issue expecting him to figure out what to do to make me happy. The problem is I did not tell him what I wanted. That's a mindfuc* if I have ever seen one (sorry for the potty mouth)! So the night turned out dramatically different. I could have argued my points with him and kept him up for hours, but I chose the more loving path. Not just loving to him, but loving to my mind and soul. Now don't get me wrong if I did not feel like I was wrong I would not apologize, instead I would just state my feelings and have those feelings cherished by him.  Yet, how many times as women do we get defensive, argue and attack when really we should humble down and look at what our men are telling us and self-reflect a little.  

Much Love,

Malena