Strong On The Inside & Soft On The Outside

PHOTO: MM in Lake Atitlan by POEM.TV

Often times, I wonder why my most popular blog post is on the concept of "Leaning Back." I would like to think this is because somewhere deep inside our womanly hearts, we know that it is not our job to chase men. I think all women know we were meant to be vulnerable, openhearted, and strong inside so that we can be patient enough to allow a man to pursue us.

The Art of Loving a Man is all about leaning back. This means keeping a swirling vortex of loving energy around you as you stay centered and welcome his energy. Leaning back is when he gives to you and you take his gifts of love and then give it back as sensual, loving, feminine energy. This is true if you are just dating someone new or if you are engaged or married. The tricky part with leaning back is that it is very obvious to a man if you are doing it from a weak place. If you are doing it from a weak place, it looks like a game and feels manipulative. Leaning back from a place of strength inside yourself means that you can control your anxiety and roaring emotions. It means that you do not look to a man to make you feel calm and centered. You know how to do this on your own when your man is pulling away or distracted.

My favorite relationship coach, Rori Raye, says a woman should be strong on the inside so she can be soft on the outside. This soft, gushy outside is what a man moves mountains for. In order for you to learn to lean back, you have to learn to feel your uncomfortable feelings and be able to let them rip through your body without reaching for him. You need to be able to contain your anxiety and breathe yourself back to your center. This will cause you not to act out in a dramatic way with a man. This will also make him want you more because he senses you are a woman with a strong center and a woman that can allow the space for him to be a real man and send energy your way.

In my life, loving my man is nothing less than a spiritual practice. It is all about my inner emotional world and how I deal with the ebb and flow of emotions that come up when he triggers me. My practice is to feel, breathe, release, and stay centered when I communicate with him. It takes strong discipline and will to do this. Loving a man is not for the weak. Learn to lean back and you will see that nature will step in and your man will constantly chase you. See below blog I posted last year.

Leaning back (aka standing still) means:

You give up control of your man's behavior - what he is doing or saying

You give up control of the situation and its outcome 

You do not try to fix anything; you state your feelings and let it be 

You trust that your man will show up if you give him the space

You give your man psychological space

You give your man physical space

You create space between you and your man so he can know how he feels and can feel the desire to move toward you and cherish you

You learn to let go if he is not moving toward you

You focus on yourself and do something that makes you feel good

You do not whine, pressure, nor complain

You do not initiate texts, calls, nor affection 

You do not force him to talk about what he is feeling

You do not stay stuck in your head and obsess and grow  your fear based story

You take emotional ownership and feel your feelings, working through them on your own, and then share with him what is going on in your heart in a non-blaming way

If you are just dating, you do not think about the future (creating an instant relationship in your head); you just enjoy each moment with him

You keep your expectations high and softly let him know what you prefer in relationships and what you do not like

Most importantly, you keep your heart open, and you stay receptive and inviting to him when he does move toward you

Much Love,

Malena