Lean Back and Bring your Man Close

I love, love, love this blog post by relationship coach, Rori Raye. She talks about girl and boy energy and how men are drawn to a women who can relax and create space for a man to use his boy energy and pursue her (dating or married). I use these techniques everyday in my heavenly relationship with my amazing fiancee "El Guapo" and it works miracles. If you are troubled with a man that is distancing himself from you read this blog below. 

Much Love,

Malena 

How to Bring your Man Close

By Rori Ray - www.havetherelationshipyouwant.com

If you've ever found yourself watching your relationship and your man suddenly get distant, and felt completely caught off guard, up against a wall and almost helpless to get close to him again, I know you can turn this around - right now.

I know, because I've been there.

I watched my now wonderful husband disappear emotionally and saw everything good in our relationship fade away.

I remember feeling desperate, frightened, angry and almost completely stupid - because everything I tried either had no effect at all on my situation or backfired on me.

When I finally figured this out and turned things around - it was as though nothing bad had ever happened. It was as though I woke up, the bad dream was over, and I was in fairy-tale land again.

And now, just knowing I can turn things around "on a dime" gets me through any bad moment, any rough time, and it seems we get CLOSER day by day - no matter what happens.

I wish for you the same amazing, almost magical results I got, and I know you can have what you want.

Andie's Story

Here's a letter from Andie, whose relationship is suddenly getting painfully disconnected:

Q."Dear Rori,

I'm Andie..I'm about to get married in six months. I just really feel he's not there...like I'm not his priority. I just wonder why he seems to be far from me. I always say to him he might have someone else beside me, because he seems so different... When we are going out together, he puts his mobile in silence mode...

Oh, how frustrated I am at this moment. Like he's going to be my hubby but if he keeps playing secrets and not paying attention to my needs, I wonder how we are going to survive in our future marriage. We've been together for 11 years now but I seem to have a different "him" right now. I'm so clueless but yet I feel so lonely and insecure. I keep asking myself "Is he the one for me?" It's not too late to back out now but at the same time, I Love Him. Aahh, I'm so pissed off with my relationship right now...like I don't know where to go, where is my happiness and what should I do? Please help me to solve this, Rori. Thank you very much...Andie"

A.Andie is in a very common situation.

If you've seen the movie "Sex And The City" you watched as Carrie struggles with how the stress of a wedding affects her relationship, and you saw how easily things can break down.

A wedding doesn't automatically change the quality of a relationship from bad to good - it doesn't necessarily improve things.

In fact - a wedding can make things worse, because everyone's fears get triggered, and because we women are suddenly all in charge of something important to both us and our man.

We're making lists, making plans, organizing, choosing, asking him what he wants, telling him what we want, negotiating... we're in "boy" energy. So here we are, in what should be the most romantic experience ever in our relationship, and instead, we're moving further apart.

What's happening here, to Andie, could be happening during ANY stress to the relationship - having a child, parenting, career changes, financial changes, moving - anything that requires a team effort.

This is why I make such a big deal out of staying AWAY from "plan-making" at the beginning of dating. Logistics put you into your boy energy.

So, what can Andie do to turn this around fast?

I'll be teaching you a Tool here that I'll call "Switch Hats," that will work for her, and you, too, whatever your situation.

Tool: Switch Hats

It's in moments where you're dealing with logistics and planning - or you work together - that the skill of knowing how to "switch hats" from "girl" energy to "boy" energy and back to girl energy can make all the difference.

First, let's understand the different things that are happening here.

He's pulling away. Andie's needs for closeness are not being met. He's silencing his cell phone and making her feel insecure - she actually is starting to feel suspicious that there's another woman.

And there are great things Andie's doing, too she's not making this her fault, she's not letting her anger lead her to attack her man, and she's staying calm.

Now, all she has to do is FIX THE PROBLEM!

There are lots of angles to this, so let's lay the solution out in an organized way:

1. GET THE PROBLEM OUT INTO THE OPEN

To do this, Andie (and you - if you'd like to learn to switch hats) has to:

• Make it so her man feels "SAFE" to open up and talk, and then...
• Inspire him to WANT to talk. And then Andie has to...
• LISTEN to him in a way that makes him want to talk even more.

So this seems complex - like a lot of Tools, a lot of knowing how to use words... but it's not.

This is a step-by-step process - how to talk to a man so he'll hear you, how to listen so he'll talk, and how to create the DESIRE in him to want to get closer.

For now, let's focus on the steps to create the safe place, to inspire him to talk, and then to listen...

2. GET INTO YOUR "GIRL" ENERGY

What IS "girl" energy?

Being a girl means being "Strong on the Inside and Soft on the Outside."

It means you trust yourself, feel strong, capable, confident, independent and powerful on your inside - like you could handle anything - and then you allow your heart and your feelings to show completely on your outside.

This is the complete reverse of what we usually do, which is "boy" energy.

Boy energy is a pure burst of energy to get things done when we're trying to accomplish something - it's the masculine side of ourselves, and it's absolutely fantastic energy to get stuff done out there in the world.

But in a relationship, boy energy is just a cover up. It covers up our softer, much more attractive girl energy. It covers up what girl energy is all about - our own connection to our deepest feelings.

When we're in boy energy, we feel the need to DO something to make something happen - and that makes us close off our feelings, completely cover up our girl energy and DISCONNECT from ourselves. And the moment we disconnect from ourselves, the relationship gets disconnected.

How He Responds To Boy Energy

Boy energy feels to a man like a "protective shield" on your outside. Boy energy feels to him like a cold, hard, emotional defense.

That cold, hard, defended way of acting can look like stuffing down our feelings, being extra nice and understanding to him, trying to make everything okay by stepping up while he's slacking off. It's also Over Functioning, or it can look like attacking him, acting like we don't care, playing games, stopping trusting him, being emotionally dramatic and mean to him in an underhanded, sideways kind of way.

In Andie's case, what's happening is simple - she and her man of 11 years are suddenly getting DISCONNECTED.

And, I know you can see this in her letter: Every moment she feels disconnected from her man makes her close up her heart even more, disconnect even more - and this is how our relationships go down the tubes.

The moment you feel strong enough inside to open up more on the outside - to let your man IN instead of closing up more and more out of fear and anger - your relationship will turn around. So try out the Reconnect program for yourself right here - it's totally guaranteed to work, or your money back:

So, now that I've given you a basic idea of how boy and girl energy work (it's all made crystal clear in my Have The Relationship You Want eBook), let's see specifically how Andie, and you, too, can make the "Switch Hats" Tool work for yourself:

1. Whenever you're with a man, NOTICE...

Notice how you're standing, sitting, lying down - how your arms and hands are, which way you're leaning (into him or away from him).

Write it all down - all your observations.

2. Now start CATCHING yourself in BOY energy...

Remember, boy energy is any kind of thinking, active, doing, initiating, deciding, suggesting, logical, brain-using, physically leaning forward kind of energy.

3. LEAN BACK...

When you notice yourself leaning forward, put one foot in front of the other and tilt your body back, away from him. (This is my "Leanback" Tool - it's a part of my whole Rori Raye "Dance Position.")

If you notice your arms crossed in front of your body, or your hands rigid by your sides, let your arms just hang along your body and turn your palms to your man.

If you notice you're deliberately turning away from him in bed, or doing the opposite by reaching for him - catch yourself and just breathe, allow yourself to melt into the bed, and simply LIE there, breathing and melting.

4. Now - THE MOMENT HE MOVES TOWARD YOU...

Speaks to you, touches you, kisses you, puts his arm around you - wherever you are - notice if you stiffen up or jump to reciprocate in a strong way.

Notice if you feel angry, if you lean your body away at that moment, or if all of a sudden your brain gets really noisy and the talk in your head gets loud.

Notice this so you can identify your boy energy - because boy energy, when you're with your man, is covering up your girl energy. You have to SWITCH HATS, so now...

5. SWITCH HATS...

Loosen your body, one bit of you at a time - shoulders first - so your girl energy gets a chance to breathe and shine through.

Breathe into the parts of your body that feel stiff to you.

Now focus down into exactly what's in front of you - what you're touching, what you're standing on, how his arm feels, what you smell and hear in the room.

In that moment, you'll FEEL SOMETHING. So, in that moment, use a Feeling Message that simply says what's in front of you, what you're feeling about what you're seeing and touching - it could be as simple as "It feels so exciting in here," or, "I'm feeling so hungry..."

DON'T launch into a discussion about the "relationship," or about "planning," or the logistics of a date, or about anything right now. (There's plenty of time for that, and you want to be more used to your girl energy and the words and body language that go with it first.) Then...

6. Something different will happen...

In the moment you use a genuine Feeling Message, so you FEEL more of your feelings and your body isn't so rigid, HE WILL DO SOMETHING!

He'll look at you.

He'll hold you tighter.

He'll reach for you in bed and stroke your face or your body.

He'll SPEAK.

Something will happen, and you'll feel a shift in HIS energy. It will happen because you will have gone into girl energy in that moment, and HE FELT IT, and it instantly made HIM shift into BOY energy.

In that moment, you will have changed the entire dynamic of your relationship. You will have allowed your girl energy to connect with his boy energy.

7. Keep The Moments Going...

The challenge is to keep doing what we're doing here, even though, at every moment, we feel the pressure on us to keep doing all the old stuff we women have all been taught that doesn't work.

We've all been taught to think our way and TALK our way into a better relationship - but it just doesn't WORK that way. So, just try these steps, and see what happens.

I'd love to hear from you - I know it will amaze you to try it this way.

And Andie - I know you can turn this around. Once he feels how much softer you are, you'll be able to talk about your feelings - even your anger - using my Tools in a way that will set everything right.

Love, Rori