The Connection Is The Relationship

ART BY MYSTIC MAMMA

"The connection is the relationship" - I heard these words spoken the other day by a relationship coach and it struck a chord with me. A relationship is not about how many dates you have been on or what title you currently have. I mean those things definitely matter, but that is not what is going to make a relationship great. A good relationship is the quality of the emotional connection. It is the quality of trust and understanding between two people. It is the maturity and understanding that is exhibited when things get bumpy. It is the grace that is given when your partner makes a mistake or exhibits weakness. It is the space you give each other to have your own experiences without fear of judgement or criticism. These are the things that make connection with a another person beautiful.

Women get it wrong when they think that because they have the "girlfriend" title or they are going on date number 3 men should start to behave and react in certain ways. This always leads to a rude awakening. Without connection a man feels no accountability to a woman. He has no energetic force pulling him toward a woman and the relationship. A man needs the connection to feel motivated to give to a woman. Also, remember physical intimacy for a man does not equal connection. It does for a woman, but not for a man. Men are just not built that way.  

Men are leaders in the relationship and are tasked with the work of moving a relationship forward and protecting and cherishing a woman. Woman set the emotional tone of a relationship and we are the leaders when it comes to connection. Therefore, the work always begins in our own hearts. We must sift through our own emotional baggage and make sure we are healed enough that we can really allow a man's experiences to be whatever they may be. We do this so we can offer him a safe, sweet space to be accepted. We must have open hearts so men can connect to us. This is the core of a good relationship. So if you are just dating someone, in a relationship, or married always start with improving the quality of your emotional connection and the rest will follow.