Your Happiness - The Magical Elixir

PHOTO: ANA CABALEIRO

NATURAL COMMITMENT

Giving a man emotional space to move toward commitment can feel like sitting in a hot pool of lava and wanting to scream, jump out, and do anything to quickly move out of the situation.  This is when as a woman you mistakenly have the talk of “Why aren't you ready……” and you accuse him of being afraid of commitment and you get angry etc… A man hears this and feels all your desperation and shuts down his heart, panics and gets that ewww feeling about you, even if he loves you. He knows that when he is ready it will feel natural and it never feels natural to have a woman ask for more if he is not ready.  

MEN ARE INTUITIVE

A man needs a patient and compassionate woman who respects his process, yet honors herself. This is not a role for the faint of heart. Men are very sensitive creatures and their emotional timelines can be much slower than a woman’s. This fact alone should save you a few tears. Women feel a connection and jump right in. Men do not. They need many “feel good” moments with a woman before they can logically and intuitively make the decision that life with this particular woman is worth the commitment. Sometimes they are scared that the woman they are dating is emotionally too unstable and although they are in love they fear they cannot make this woman happy. This is an instant attraction killer for men. If they feel that you are chronically unhappy with them they will see no long term (marriage) commitment with you. If you are constantly trying to change them and always complaining that they are not meeting your expectations they will back away slowly. They will back away until you are pretty much left alone emotionally. They may be there physically, but their hearts are closed.  When I say men are sensitive, I really mean it. They just don’t seem sensitive because they don’t have access to their feelings the way women do. They are sensitive because of their instinct. They instinctively know if you are a woman that is happy with herself and her life and therefore will be content in a relationship or a woman that is looking to blame another for her unhappiness and ends up chronically disappointed. Guess which woman a man commits to?

KEEP YOURSELF HAPPY

So what do you do when his timeline is longer than yours?  NOTHING! You focus on yourself.

Follow this formula – You make yourself happy – you feel good – he feels good around you – he wants more of that good feeling – he does more to make you happy and stay in your life.

It all starts with you. You find ways to keep yourself happy and keep your energy fresh and alive. You keep yourself happy so you will in turn be softer, kinder and happier with him. This will make him want to be around you. He will feed off your happiness. He will actually think he is the cause and he will begin to do more things to make you happy so he can keep feeling like your hero. Then one day he will wake up and realize he can’t live without this good feeling. This feeling of joy, contentment and your happiness!!! If he engages in bad boy behavior, you stay centered. You don’t freak out. You don’t make him responsible for your happiness. You feel the pain and rejection. You tell him it feels yucky, but you will be okay and you focus on getting happy again – without him. He will follow. He will be intrigued by a woman who does not depend on him to feel good. In fact it will stir something inside him that drives his attraction level very high. This is the magical elixir used by a Goddess. You are the Goddess and you hold the magic to draw him to you and keep him there.