Secrets of an Enchantress
One of my favorite relationship coaches is Kristina Merchant. Check out some of her work below. It is a excerpt from her blog. She also has a new e-book entitled Prism Effect -
http://www.connectwithhisheart.com/kristina-marchants-prism-effect/
Goddess Tip #2- Be Empathetic
How can you see things from his point of view? Even if this is really painful to do, I want you to think about why he feels he needs space. Is he tired of fighting with you? Is he going through depression? Is he making a lot of professional and personal changes in his life and doesn't feel like you're relationship problems are helping?
Be honest with yourself-- what do you think is wrong with him? (Maybe he's even told you and you've been hesitant to hear him.)
Now, here's where you become a total goddess. How can you OBJECTIVELY look at things so that you don't take anything PERSONAL? How can you SEE what he's feeling, have compassion for that, and not beat yourself up in the process?
If you can witness your relationship in the same way I tell you to witness your emotions, then you can better see the issues. I'm not asking you to analyze the relationship to death, I'm just asking you to step outside your hurt and your needs and see his.
Whether your thoughts on what he's feeling are right or not doesn't matter as much as you just taking the time to make room for his feelings. We often don't make room for a man's feelings. We flood the relationship with our own. Even when it's about the man's feelings, we twist things and make it about us again. For example, women write me and beat themselves up in their letters-- "I know that I'm bad at ___ and that I'm not enough for him in this other area of ___." But what they're really saying is: "I feel inadequate. How can I change him so I don't have to feel this way?" See how that's not really about him at all. The desired end result has nothing to do with him.
Can you step back for a moment and give him emotional and mental space? I don't want you to step forward-- trying to fix things by working hard to be better for him or trying to focus on his issues to save him from life. I just want you to be empathetic to his feelings and needs without actually doing or saying anything to him. That's a goddess in action-- having empathy but not doing anything to fix things!
Just because I ask you to be empathetic, doesn't mean I'm asking you to take responsibility for changing things around. I want you to still focus on your personal happiness as a priority. I just want you to understand him more in order for you to get grounded and LEAVE HIM ALONE.
Make Room For Him To Breathe! Give Him The Freedom To Feel What He Wants To Feel!
So often we get worked up and afraid to lose a guy that we can't let them feel whatever they feel. We can't let them 'just be'! We are on top of them all the time, taking everything they do personal and not having any compassion for what's going on inside them.
Let's better HONOR his need for SPACE. Then, when he comes back to you, you won't feel compelled to jump up and get defensive, insecure, angry or sad as soon as he shows signs of stress. (I don't mean you can't communicate what you feel and what you don't want to feel; I'm talking about your VIBE.)
In the future, let him do his thing. If he's angry at you, have empathy for him, and allow him to be angry. I'm not talking about letting him be a jerk to you. I'm just talking about letting him go quiet, go into another room, not call you for a few hours. Whatever it takes, as long as it's not disrespectful (taking a break for days on end is disrespectful, turning off the phone is disrespectful, flirting with other women or calling exes is disrespectful).
In Prism Effect I talk about getting grounded. I talk about finding your center, no matter WHAT a man is doing. This is the key to making him feel calm. This is what will bring him closer to you-- his feeling that you're stable emotionally and mentally.
He wants to know that you have inner strength, that you aren't a willowy, fragile thing that can't handle the smallest problems in a relationship; that you aren't a controlling nag or an anxious, needy woman who can't let a relationship develop slowly and peacefully. You can still be vulnerable and share EVERYTHING you feel, without invading his emotional space. You can express your feelings and needs completely with him without bulldozing him with emotion and making him exhausted.
I show you how to share yourself with him in the right way in Prism Effect.
http://www.connectwithhisheart.com/kristina-marchants-prism-effect/