The Importance of Emotional Safety

“I feel safe communicating to you because I know you will not attack me”

                These wonderful words were spoken to me last night by my wonderful man - El Guapo. You might be wondering what is so special about this. Well, this statement is the key to why he adores me and opens his heart and soul to me. It is the key because the emotional safety I provide him (i.e. not freaking out or always taking things personal) allows him to communicate and share his thoughts and feelings with me. He can be himself with me and know things will remain calm and loving even when I don’t like what he is saying.

                If a man feels scared to communicate something, small or big, out of fear of his woman’s reaction, then the relationship is in big trouble. A woman will often be left in the dark, confused and usually pissed off. She will blame him never knowing the part she plays in this dynamic. The part she plays is either 1. Safe haven for him to share what’s going on or 2. Scary place and he is better off not saying anything.

                In order to inspire your man to communicate with you, he must feel that you will not overwhelm him with negative emotion and blame. You can still have feelings and share, but you cannot blame and attack him. I hear a lot of woman say that their men do not know how to communicate. I have a hunch that these men would if they were not afraid of a woman’s reaction.  Being able to tell the truth in a relationship keeps the energy pure and emotional and physical attraction high. Are you a safe haven or a scary place?