Give Him Space!

John Gray author of “Woman are from Mars and Men are from Venus” says that men live in a different part of their brain. They do not have the same access to feelings and emotions as woman do. Therefore, when they are stressed out or under pressure talking about things is not what makes them feel better. Yet, how often as women do we sense something is wrong with our man (not relating to our relationship) and we ask “How do you feel?” and push him to talk about things so we can feel better? I never realized how uncomfortable this can be for a man.  A man processes stress different then a woman. We talk about things to feel better and men need to either withdraw to de-stress (watch T.V., hang with buddies) or engage in some goal oriented activity (work, gym, sport) to feel better. During this time, us women can feel rejected or worst case scenario we take it personally and start to tell ourselves a story. We make up a story that he does not care as much or begin to think he is not bringing enough energy or attention to the relationship. Then we get fearful, clingy and needy. This pushes a man off the cliff. We add more stress to his life and now he wants to get away even more. What a man needs in moments when life becomes overwhelming is some time to detach from the world. The key is to give it to him! With or without words, let him know he has a soft, sweet space to return to when he is feeling better and LET HIM GO! Then he returns to you and wants to connect with you again because you were able to give him space. He knows you are a woman in control of her emotions and world. Now don’t get me wrong, there is a healthy way men take space (not calling you for a day or taking a day to do something on his own) and a not so healthy way (i.e. disappearing for days etc.).  I’m talking about the healthier way. As a feminine goddess you stay centered (i.e. stand still) and take care and love yourself in those moments. You do this so when he emotional/physically returns, you can shower him with love reminding him that you are his safe harbor and a woman that understands his needs.  This is true intimacy (aka - into you I see) and the rewards are endless when this happens.