Goddess Standards!
Hello Beautiful Goddesses,
Today I want to talk about standards and expectations. I have coached a lot of women over the years and one of the things that stands out is the low expectations most women have about love and what a good man can and should offer her while dating and in a relationship. I don’t think many women have taken a moment to really think about what their standards are. What does a man have to do, be or give to be in a relationship with you?
Most women fall fast and furiously for the first man they connect with and gives them enough attention. This can be a slippery slope. Especially because in the beginning all men are trying to impress you. Their instinct is to conquer. The missing piece for women here is…..patience. If a man truly develops feelings for you he will continue to step up and this is when you are able to match his behaviors against your standards and expectations. Women move too quickly and give their hearts and bodies away. If he hasn’t done much more then pursue you for a few weeks and has won you over then your standards are too low.
“The missing piece for women here is…..patience”
Ask yourself what do I truly expect from a good man? What do I want from a man? How do I want to be treated? What are my requirements? What needs to happen before I turn over my heart and body? Then sit with this and look at your current relationship and compare. If you are reading this blog you will probably find that your current man/relationship is falling short. So what should you do?
The first thing you should NOT do is call your man and tell him he better treat you better and tell him all the things he is doing wrong. Men do not change as a result of you showing negative emotion. They change as a result of fearing they will lose you if they don’t step up.
“Men do not change as a result of you showing negative emotion”
So this leaves you with only one job. You must raise your standards and expectations for love. This is an absolute inside job. The inside job is with your thoughts, emotions and negative relational patterns.
First you must let go of this life long struggle to get the love you never received from mom and dad. You need to become aware that your standards are low because you are re-living your past and do not feel like you deserve more. You don’t even know there is more.
“You don’t even know there is more”
You need to make peace with the fact that as an adult it’s time to clean up the mess and get love from the only person it can come from - that is you! You heal the old cycle/pain/trauma and the low expectations that accompany them by connecting back to yourself and your source (aka divine love, God, spirt etc.) This breaks the cycle and gives you back your worth and therefore increases your standards and expectations when it comes to love. This raises your standards because you become a high value woman who first seeks love within. This is so powerful because you let your partner off the hook. They are not required to give you the love and value you never received. They are now able to give you love and receive your love freely. No more bondage from the past. No more repeated trauma cycles. No more low expectations.
“You heal the old cycle/pain/trauma by connecting back to yourself and your source”
So what does connecting to yourself and source/higher self/God/inner guidance even mean? It means connecting to your feelings and managing your own inner energy. It means learning to be comfortable with the energy shifts inside yourself as you experience negative emotions. It means learning to let go of thoughts in your head that trigger your old story that you are not loved or worthy. It means moving in the direction of what feels good each day. Most importantly, it means staying in the present moment where the past is gone and the future can be fresh and new.
Your mere mortal parents could never give you the love that truly can only come from you connecting to your inner love and energy/God/Source/Universe. This connection is your original home and it is what will fill you and sustain you. It is what will allow you to feel worthy and raise your standards and expectations. If you are flowing and connecting to the divine source of love in the universe, you can ask for whatever you want from life and know that you deserve it. You are not flawed you are love itself. Imagine setting standards from this point?
“You are not flawed you are love itself”
So let me give you some Goddess standards I developed over the years. Please keep in mind, I didn’t always have these. In fact, I had some pretty low expectations for most of my life. It was not until I stopped looking for love on the outside to fill me and I learned to fill my own cup that everything changed.
Now when it comes to love and a relationship these are things I expect:
to have my feelings cherished (as long as I respect my husband’s thoughts)
to be a priority
to feel like he chose me above all others
to feel deep commitment
to feel protected
to feel wanted
to feel support and his strength when I feel vulnerable
to have him provide for me (I give back lot’s of love, tenderness, sensuality and time)
to be romanced and go on dates
to have him care and show up for my children (his step-children)
to spend regular quality time together
to be touched and caressed
to be intimate regularly
to give and receive healthy communication
to play and laugh
to be heard
to be the #1 thing in his life (beside his children of course)
to have sweet words spoken to me
to get gifts (thoughtful over pricey)
to feel adored
to feel like he thinks I am the most beautiful woman in the room
to help me when needed
to give me structure and direction when needed
to manage life’s logistics (i.e. the plumber, oil changes, vacation plans etc)
to be able to depend on him
to feel like he can take care of the direction of his life and his career
to feel his loyalty
to hear I love you
Keep in mind these are not demands. These are things I truly believe I deserve. I hope this does not sound like too much. It really should be normal for a woman. The only caveat is that a woman must do her inner work first. She must have her mind, emotions and behaviors in check and act in accordance as a high value woman if she expects these things.
I know I deserve these things because of all the inner healing and growth I have done. I take full responsibility for my feelings, I generally provide a positive atmosphere, I am open, loving and supportive. I am fun and playful. I am authentic and can express deep emotion in a mature non- blaming way. I am sexy and sensual. I am a woman that is easy to be with. It took me years to create what I have on the inside and attract all these high qualities in my man. I share this all to let you know what is possible.
So do your inner work and make connection to yourself and the divine a priority. You will soon feel natural in raising your standards. Then your dream man can step into the role you set out for him and together you can create a beautiful relationship. Final thing - Remember relationships have different phases. The first - is to make you aware of your disconnection and old pain. The second - is to inspire you to grow (sometimes this means walking away.). The third - is to have fun and enjoy intimacy!
Much Love,
Malena