What to do When Men Pull Away

Hello Wonderful Blog Readers,

Today I am posting an article about men withdrawing. This is my weak spot as it is for many of you. In all my studies on men and women in relationships the advice is always the same - when a man withdraws just relax and stay grounded and don't freak out. You are suppose to give him space so he will return on his own. Now that does not mean you have to be treated poorly, but you do have to give  your man space. Why this is so darn difficult…. I don't know. I understand it can be difficult in a rocky relationship, but my experience is that it is difficult even in the most secure of relationships. When your man needs a little space is a time when you really learn how much you have grown. You reaction means everything in these moments. I learned this lesson again this weekend. This weekend I learned that I am way too dependent on my man's energy. This realization knocked me on my as*! Now it's time to gather myself together and remember that my security and sense of fulfillment first comes from my relationship to myself and my higher power (Spirit, God, Universe etc.)  Knowing this is the most important thing a woman can do for her relationship. It is never about what he is/ or is not doing. It is always about how connected you are to yourself and your ability to feel okay without needing him to make you feel okay. Too often us women think it is our man's job to make us feel loved and whole 100% of the time. That is the biggest trap we can get ourselves into. With this said, I am dusting myself off, congratulating myself for not creating too much drama, and centering myself again so I can be a wonderful partner and beautiful goddess. Growth is never-ending ladies and sometimes it feels yucky! Yet, a real Goddess never gives up. She goes within and becomes stronger. I found a good article to remind us of all of this on a website called www.elephantjournal.com. See below. 

Much Love,

Malena 

Why Men Pull Away.

Via Alex Myles -  www.elephantjournal.com

One of the main reasons men and women fight so much is because we do not understand each other as a species.

We think that because we are both human, we must think the same way as one another. Not true. The male and female brains are wired differently and this is what causes the most confusion.

This leads to hurt, anger and ultimately disagreements and separation.

The relationship can be in the very first throes, a committed relationship or even marriage, regardless, men will still feel the need to pull away from time to time.

As soon as the shift happens, we feel it instantly. It can be something as simple as a change in behaviour or they may stop communicating altogether. It as at this stage that us women feel hurt slightly and feel the need to move closer towards the male, we may even chase them determined to find out what the problem is.

The more we worry and fuss over him, the more likely he is to withdraw further.

At this stage, the best thing to do is to stay neutral, not moving too close and neither to far from him. This period is often described as a the male needing to retreat to his cave, somewhere where he feels safe to filter through everything that’s on his mind.

Basically, he just needs a time out from everything.

This doesn’t mean that he’s stopped thinking of you, loving you or that he wants to break up. Generally, he just wants his alone time to figure where he’s at in life.

The biggest mistake women make here wanting to follow their man and reassure themselves that all is well.

Sometimes, we may want to continue the disagreement or conversation thinking we can huddle in the cave next to him.

Bad, bad move.

~

When a guy has retreated the most important thing he craves is a little space. By not allowing him that time alone he will very quickly feel suffocated and will crawl even further into his cave. Now the danger is that he will start to feel overwhelmed, unable to think straight and the chance of resolve is now much lower.

Here, is where the secret lies.

Quite simply, allow him to retreat, safely.

There should be no forcing him out by drama, blackmail or game playing. The most loving thing you can do is to simply allow.

We all deal with things differently and although it can hurt to leave him there, he is most likely going through the same internal conflicts, just in a slightly different way.

If the relationship is in the very early stages, after one or two dates, it may be better to do nothing at this stage.

Constantly calling and texting might only push him further away. If it is a more serious relationship, then simply letting him know that you are there waiting when he is ready to talk again can be enough for him. Some men may even allow you in, but very gently.

The process is likened to a rubber band.

This theory is not for men alone, women also retreat regularly.

However, when a female retreats it is likely because she is hurt, angry or feels betrayed.

Women often pull away because there is something wrong within their relationship, whereas men will pull away just because they need to constantly adjust to the direction they are heading. Because women pull away when there is a problem, they automatically think the same must be said for men, when it is likely just the male’s need for a little space.

There is scientific evidence to back up this theory, as we couple we release a hormone called Oxytocin.

Oxytocin decreases females stress levels but it lowers testosterone in males which causes them to experience higher stress levels.

Due to this imbalance, too much bonding too soon can cause a man to feel slightly uncomfortable as he constantly adjusts to his new setting. As the male withdraws, his testosterone raises and so he feels more balanced and is then likely to return happier than before.

Simply, men are more likely to need a little more space and freedom than females within their relationship.

Freedom is something that both men and women need and it is not something that we should fear.

When we allow our partners to enjoy being themselves and understand they need a safe space to do this, we have a far greater chance of a balanced, successful relationship.

Ideally, there should be no control, jealousy, or insecurity on either part. As soon as any of these things come into play, resentment can build up and this will cause one or both partners to start to withdraw.

We all need to feel secure that we can be who we want to be, without being forced to behave in a manner that doesn’t feel natural.

Appreciate ourselves, know that we are worthy, enjoy our own company and that of others and know that if the relationship is healthy and feels good for both parties, we will both naturally distance ourselves and pull back together regularly in order to provide the right balance to grow together.

If the other partner fails to bounce back, sadly this is just part of life, we just have to accept their decision and know that we deserve happiness. Maybe this particular relationship was just not right for us at this time, for whatever reason.

Chasing after something that just wasn’t meant to be is one of the most soul-destroying things we can to do ourselves. Instead of focusing on the negative, we must instead try to love—love ourselves a little more than before.