Emotional Triggers

Hello Beautiful Goddesses,

Life is good! I am doing well enjoying life’s up and downs - I have a teenager - and still learning more about this wonderful experience called intimate romantic love. My husband, El Guapo, could not be more heavenly. I recently had an outpatient procedure (eardrum surgery) and he was amazing! He took the day off from work and drove me to the hospital, handled the hospital admission, and then went home and took the kids to lunch. He picked me up after and drove me back to our home, where I walked in to find a beautiful spring wildflower arrangement and “Get Well” balloons in the bedroom. He then took care of all the house and kid details for the night, and he even washed dishes while I laid in bed. I could not ask for a better man!

“My husband, El Guapo, could not be more heavenly.”

I tell you this not to brag but to bring you hope that you really can turn your relationship around or attract a better man. You see, my whole life I dated men (and even married one) who did not cherish, adore, provide, nor care for me. In fact, I cherished, adored, provided, and cared for all the men in my past. I always put them first. The act of giving is masculine and I was SUPER masculine in relationships. I called the shots, it was my way or the highway, I was always right, I made all the decisions, and I controlled everything. On top of that, I was disconnected from my emotions. When I got triggered, I went ape shit and went into victimhood, rage, and passive-aggressive behaviors (Yes, I even jumped out of a car once at a stoplight.)

'"The act of giving is masculine and I was SUPER masculine in relationships”

So, how did I end up in this now fairytale romance? I did the hard work!!! For my clients reading this, they know what I am talking about. I coach clients weekly and watch as they push past their comfort levels and discipline themselves to become aware, feel painful feelings, and change old patterns. As one client said, “Sometimes, it feels like I am in a never-ending boxing match getting punched out.” She is talking about her intimate relationship and managing her emotional triggers. She is doing the hard work of growth, healing, and change. What do I mean by work….. she is becoming aware of emotional triggers, learning to feel and connect with pain to release it, staying out of victimhood, learning to communicate without blame, attack, or criticism, and is learning how to feel good no matter what her man is doing.

“I did the hard work!!!”

How does this work bring you to your dream relationship, you may ask? Well, once you clear your pain, the triggers diffuse. This allows you to see more clearly and react more calmly, bringing more emotional safety to your man. Also, when you are aware of your patterns and can manage your triggers and emotions, a man knows he is not responsible for your happiness. THIS IS KEY!!!

This relieves him of a lifetime of drama and being responsible for your fears and feelings. When you are in control of your old pain and diffuse your triggers, it makes him want to do his job, which is to LIVE TO MAKE YOU HAPPY. Now, he can do his job well because he has a good foundation to work with. Men commit and cherish women that are already happy and peaceful with themselves. They are magnetized to be loyal to these women because they will be successful at their jobs of making these women happier.

“Now, he can do his job well because he has a good foundation to work with.”

I can’t tell you enough how important it is for a man to feel like he is winning with you. If a man who is in love with you feels like he can make you happy consistently and enduringly, he will move mountains to be with you and he will sweep you off your feet. Therefore, do not bring your emotional issues to your man. Fix them inside yourself first.

If a man feels that you are always complaining, criticizing, and trying to change him so you can feel better, he will emotionally and often physically check out of the relationship. It’s quite simple.

I understand that being in charge of maintaining your own happiness can put a lot of responsibility on you, but it’s okay because you need to move in the direction of what feels good to you in order to heal. Taking this responsibility will empower you and guide you.

“You need to move in the direction of what feels good to you in order to heal.”

So, ladies! You need to work on yourself to become happier, softer, emotionally centered, peaceful, loving, compassionate, and playful. Yet, remember, do not do this to get something from a man. Do it because it makes your life better and because it makes you feel good. Do it because it makes you a better parent, daughter, and friend. Do it because you know you always attract someone at the same level of woundedness as you. The more healed you are, the better the quality of men will show up for you… or it will cause your current man to rise to meet you at your new energetic level. Most importantly, do it for YOU… because you're tired of feeling so bad and tired of the turmoil.

When you are free of triggers, you are ultimately free in your relationships and life! Lastly, may you feel the deep love in your own heart reflected back to you by a great man. Cheers to creating your fairytale and a life that feels good!!!!

Much Love,

Malena xoxo

Use the link below to contact me for a discovery call or to schedule a coaching session http://artoflovingaman.com/relationshipcoachingservices