A Feminine Woman Knows What She Does Not Want
Hello Goddess Friends,
It’s been a while since I posted, and it is because I have been knee dip in raising a teenager. I had no idea it would be this hard. All is well, but I am on the front lines with her navigating and maneuvering the ups and downs of this turbulent phase of her life. She has her first real boyfriend, and it is so sweet to watch her emulate me and really put to work some of my teachings. She is a beautiful sensitive soul, and my heart yearns for her to experience the joy and happiness that can come from a good relationship.
Recently, she was having some relationship difficulties and I stopped and asked her, “what do you really want?” and she said “I just want to be loved.” Those words reverberated in my mind because they sit in the heart of every young girl and woman. In all our hearts, we just want to feel that we are important and valuable enough to be loved.
I reminded her that the love she seeks first comes from within her. It comes from her connection to herself and her higher power. I told her that when she is her own source of love, then it will come from a boyfriend. Of course, I also reminded her that I think she is worthy and deserving and that my love for her is immeasurable.
So, if all we want is love, then it should be very clear what we do not want right? Here is what I believe a woman does NOT want… We do not want to be treated like an option. We do not want to be a 2nd choice. We do not want to be forgotten. We do not want to feel unloved. We don’t want to be disrespected or not have our feelings cherished. We don’t want to feel used or abandoned. We don’t want to feel stronger and more responsible than our man. We don’t want to feel not heard or not seen. We don’t want to feel unspecial.
Some people believe that my work leans a little bit too much in the direction of allowing a man to do what he wants and, as a feminine woman, feeling like it is our job to just stay quiet and respect him but that could not be further from the truth. A high value feminine woman (Goddess) has an inner strength that is unparalleled. You cannot do the inner work and practices of being a Goddess without having a fierce inner spark that knows how to say no!
A feminine women’s “no” comes from her desires and feelings and less about trying to control a man’s behavior. She does not spend time and energy convincing a man why he should shape up and love her the right way. She just stays firm in her connection to her feelings and she let’s that guide her. She never ignores her needs and stays quiet.
What does a feminine woman’s no look like? Let me give you some examples:
Thank you for the checking in but it does not seem like you are looking for something consistent, and I prefer to date someone who wants to see each other regularly. It was great to meet you though. Take care!
I don’t want to get into a debate with you about what is right or wrong. I just know this doesn’t feel good. I am not blaming you; I just want things to feel better.
I don’t want to date someone forever. I want to get married one day and have my happily ever after. I understand that it might not be with you and I can live with it. I just need to know.
I know that you have the right to hang out with whoever you want, but it does not feel good to know you are with other women. It just isn’t something I feel comfortable with.
I know that birthdays may not mean a lot to you but they mean so much to me. I love celebrating and sharing special moments and gifts. I don’t want to just sit at home.
I don’t want to be a couple that doesn’t make love regularly. I want to feel sexy and share passion.
I am scared that our finances are in jeopardy and I don’t want to feel financial insecurity. I love feeling safe and secure.
I love hanging out with you but I don’t want to be a hook up forever. I want to feel the security and peace of being in a relationship.
I don’t want to feel so disconnected from you. I don’t like how it feels. I love the feeling of connecting with you.
As a woman, it is so important to have standards and to know what is not acceptable. Yet, it is how you communicate this to a man that makes all the difference. You always keep the focus on you, letting him know that you feel like you are the most important person. Of course, you offer him compassion, respect, and love. When he knows you know what you want and what you don’t want, it gives him the room to decide and make choices about what he wants to do to be with you and honor you.
A feminine woman knows how to say no. She says yes to healthy love that honors her. She communicates openly and turns away from all else.
My message to feminine women is not to blindly accept what your man says/does nor to avoid rocking the boat in the name of respect and feminine humbleness. My message is to build your standards and "no” from the inside out and to share this in a non-threatening way. Learn to communicate from a non-blaming place that says I love myself enough to share my standards with you.
Remember, all of this is done with warmth and respect. This is the key to getting a man to cherish your feelings. He knows that you cherish yourself, so he meets your standards or falls away if he can’t. Loving yourself means connecting to your needs and feelings so well that you automatically create loving standards that pour out of you naturally. A feminine woman is strong with a fierce heart. This is where her power lies.
Much Love 💕
Malena