Booty Call or Goddess Love
It’s a cozy and cold morning here in Los Angeles and I am sipping on a warm cup of coffee doing what I love, which is to dissect complex issues that arise in masculine and feminine relationship dynamics. These last few days I have been really thinking about - When do you sleep with a man? Well, as women we have a few options:
A straight booty call - no real consistent dating, no regular contact outside of booty call invite and this person seems to show no real interest in your life or needs
Having sex while casually dating (non-committed relationship or situationship) - some dating, irregular contact, hot and cold behavior, elusive feeling that he is invested, but not really
Having sex while on the way to a serious committed relationship - This means there is a strong emotional attraction, regular weekly dates, daily or weekly contact and a genuine interest in your life and needs
A real relationship - a strong bond with a commitment that includes longevity, exclusivity, and continuity (Thank you, Dr. Pat Allen!). In my opinion, this agreement should be introduced by a man
According to Dr. Pat Allen, a relationship exists when you have a strong emotional connection and agreement that includes, longevity, exclusivity, and continuity
So when do you sleep with a man? Well, it depends on what you are looking for. If you just want to have fun with no strings attached then it is an easy choice - options 1 and 2 are available. Yet, if you want something more serious you will have to be more selective and patient. I know there is a philosophy out there that says women should have the same rights as men and therefore have sex whenever they feel like it, but I question this philosophy. I believe women were meant to be adored, worshipped and cherished and sex without an emotional connection and heading toward real commitment just feels brutal and reckless to a woman’s heart.
So back to my original question - When should you have sex with a man? I believe you should do it when you have taken the time to get to know a man and have built an emotional connection. You should do it when you know that he sees you as his prize and he is going out of his way to impress you, spend time with you and do things to make you happy. You should do it when you know that he chooses to spend a good amount of his free time with you and include you in his life. You should do it when he shows a continuous effort to see how your week is going and how you feel on a regular basis. You should do it when you see that he is doing thoughtful things for you and making you a priority. Entrance into your body is a sacred act and it is a gift you share with him for treating you like a Goddess. So this seems to feel more like options 3 and 4.
Now, most women want a timeline, but that is not easy to produce. It definitely takes 1-2 months to build some kind of bond with regular dating, but a woman really has to go with her gut and see how a man makes her feel. The key is not to use sex as a shortcut to an emotional connection. This is especially important because men can have sex without feeling anything for a particular woman. In fact, most men will tell you that sex too soon actually hinders a man’s ability to determine how he feels about a woman. If you become a sex object too soon or without making him consistently pursue you, it becomes hard for him to see you as high value. He instinctively knows you have low self-esteem and he questions what a relationship would be like with you. Now do not get me wrong, I am not saying hold out for a ring or 6 months. Just see what he can offer you and how he makes you feel before gifting him with your Goddess love in the bedroom. I also believe that if things change while you are dating a man you have the right to stop having sex. I know that gets tricky, but again it’s all about how he makes you feel. If you do decide to stop having sex because he is not that into you anymore you have to be sure it is not a manipulative game. It absolutely cannot be a punishment or a way to control his behavior. It has to come from an authentic place inside you. A place where loving yourself and feeling good is more important than pleasing him. It also must be done without blaming and attacking him for not wanting more with you. These are the moments you lean back and pour your own love back into you! Okay, that’s all I have to say for now on this topic cause it’s effing complex and confusing lol! I am going to continue to develop my philosophy about it and share it as it evolves. So for now how about a man’s perspective on this…
Check out relationship coach, Christian Carter’s, blog (see link below) where he discusses the idea that for a man, sex does not equal a relationship.
https://www.catchhimandkeephim.com/dating/need-to-know-before-sleep-with-him.html
Excerpt below is from Christian Carter’s Blog:
………Here’s something you NEVER EVER want to forget. It’s the real truth about how most men think when it comes to sex and dating in casual and UNCOMMITTED relationships…
Ready?
Just because a man has sex with a woman, it doesn’t mean that he’s spent even a second of his time deciding whether or not he wants to be with her or have a relationship in the future.
In other words… a man’s not going to ever “see your worth” just because you’ve slept with him.
And more to the point, it is NOT the physical attraction a m!an feels for a woman, and getting close to her physically, that makes a man really “feel it” for you and want more.
Truth: For A Man, Sex Does Not Equal Relationship
You need to think of sex and relationships as two completely different things that have nothing to do with one another…….
Men want someone they feel deeply ATTRACTED to.
They want to have that feeling of WANTING a woman.
They want to worship her, to please her, to ravish her, and to sweep her off her feet with their physical and emotional presence. And for the woman to be utterly and completely taken with them and what they do.
So, what happens when men act like they’re not interested in anything serious or don’t want a relationship, or they’re too busy to have one… or any other of a list of lame excuses they give you?
This happens because most women don’t create the experience that will make a man FEEL this way.
Plain and simple.
A man is looking for that “WOW!” experience with a woman. And when he doesn’t feel it, there’s nothing a woman who doesn’t make him FEEL this way can do or say to make him want something more with her.
He just loses interest and moves on.
They don’t want a woman to try to convince them that what they’re experiencing and feeling should be meaningful and loving. No. That’s not how men work.
Instead, they want to FEEL their desire for a woman inside their whole body, emotionally driving them, and for it to be undeniable and unrelenting. Get where I’m going here? Don’t Deny Him The Thrill Of The Chase……
Much Love,
Malena