He Wants My Light

PHOTO: OLIVIA BEE

             Sometimes relationships feel so uncomfortable and painful that you just want you to throw your hands up in the air and say forget it I give up. This has been the last few weeks for me. I usually do not blog about personal things, but it's good for readers of my blog to witness that great relationships do hit bumps and you do get bruised. At the end of the day the details don't matter. He did this or did not do this and I got hurt, angry and closed my heart and lost all ability to be calm, soft and loving. Instead I threw tantrums, treated him as the enemy and lost control of my darker emotions. All of this ripped my Goddess title right out from underneath me. In a few moments of uncontrolled emotions I lost all my skills and resorted to old behaviors that I know do not work. This is the messy work of growth and love.

          Relationships are not meant to make you happy they are meant to show you where you need to heal and love more. What choice you make determines whether you remain a Goddess or not. In your darkest moments can you remember to stay vulnerable?  Can you remain loving when your man does not do what you want him to do? Can you use communication to connect instead of to manipulate. These are the big questions. When your darkness has descended upon you do you spread that darkness with your man or do you share your vulnerability and let his deep love transform it. I have been challenged these last few weeks and on some days I failed and on other days I excelled. I think the thing that has helped me get through it the most has been my commitment to Love. Love for myself, Love for my man and Love to something greater than me that I know exists. I know there is a better way and I know the beautiful results that come when I follow the path of a vulnerable open heart with my man. He wants my vulnerability and open heart when I feel hurt. He wants my raw emotions without rage. He wants my feminine ability to feel and love so deeply he is taken to places he could not get to on his own. He wants my light!  It is this radiant light that he is drawn to and when I am overtaken by my darker emotions he is waiting for me to surrender and burst wide open and let my light and love shine and invite him back in. 

        I want to remind all you beautiful women that growth and love is a process. Be kind to yourself and when you feel you have been less than a Goddess just pick yourself up, dust yourself off and try again. :) 

Much Love,

Malena