Why Men Run From Needy Clingy Women
PHOTO: HEINZ HAJEK-HALKE
There is nothing that drives a man away and makes him lose attraction faster than a needy woman. For a man, being involved with a needy woman feels like he is suffocating and can’t reach for air. The minute he finds a way to get away he will. So what does that mean for us women who can’t seem to shake our needy vibe? It means we have to do some soul searching to find out how deep our bottomless pit really is. A Goddess knows that the only way out of neediness, is to feel your feelings. It is essential that you get out of your mind and the story you create about your man and the relationship and dive into the physical sensations of the actual pain. Every time you feel desperation, instead of reaching for him, sit with yourself and bring your awareness to the place inside you that hurts. Breathe into it and relax and release. It’s that easy, yet very painful. In order to become a Goddess you must learn to be comfortable feeling your pain. It’s just old energy and it is seeking release. If every time you feel needy you do this, a little piece of pain will leave your body and soul and your neediness will begin to dissipate. You will start to transmute the negative energy into light through the power of your awareness. I know it sounds spiritual and since we are talking about healing in many ways it is. Relationships are assignments to get you in touch with old pain. Use them for that reason and do not jump on the wheel of engaging in the same old behaviors and getting the same old results. Men will never fill your void and they know in an instant when a woman expects them to. They feel it in their soul. Therefore, you can fale it all you want and act like you are not needy and clingy, but eventually he will know the truth. He will know that your real goal is to swallow his soul in the hopes it soothes your pain. This is what men fear the most and this is why they don’t commit, they leave or withdraw. See wonderful relationship coach, Kristina Marchant’s article below. Her website -connectwithhisheart.com.
Much Love,
Malena
Do You Have a Clingy Vibe With Men?
Are you afraid that your clingy vibe with men screams: "I need you, I need you I NEED you"?
There are some women who can do and say ANYTHING when with a man and not push him away. These women have a certain confidence about them that always puts a man at ease and never makes him feel "weird" or "off-put" in the relationship. How do they have this confident, do-and-say-anything vibe?
They are not wrapped up in a man. See, you can love a man, care DEEPLY for him and really need him in your life, but if you feel like you wouldn't be OKAY without a certain man (that he would take your whole happiness away with him if he left), then you are going to have a "scary" vibe about you that is not going to sit well with a man.
This vibe is going to make you question everything you say. It's going to make you worry about the meanings behind everything he does. It's going to make his efforts NEVER enough for you: a person is never going to permanently fill a void in your life and your heart knows this, so it makes you pull and pull more and more from him. Your needs become a bottomless pit.
I get emails all the time from women who are upset that a man didn't invite them to a certain dinner or didn't ask for more quality time, or were silent too long on the phone concerning a question asked. These women stress out over the "why" of every little thing. They stress out so much, they have to write me page-long emails.
WOMEN WITH A CLINGY VIBE feel they can't just express themselves freely in their relationship. They feel "frozen and scared" to speak up to their man (a man THEY ARE GIVING THEIR SACRED, GORGEOUS BODIES TO FOR SEX), and this scared and frozen feeling makes all the anxiety WORSE.
This scared and frozen feeling makes them believe they are "too much" for the man. They feel that the feelings of desperate need and deep fear of losing the man, which are whirling around inside them like a chaotic storm, would scare any man off. And all this fear and anxiety, all this shutting up and keeping feelings hidden, shatters these women's' self-esteem!
The best way to change your VIBE around a man is to stop thinking that only a certain person (or relationship... or ONE relationship) can offer you a happy life.
You have to start living fully for TODAY. You have to find the miracles and joys present in everyday life and celebrate them NOW.
Go take a stroll... literally walk away from your obsession over him:
Look at the trees and think about all the storms they've weathered. Smell the flowers planted in the park by your house and listen to the rustling breezes. Open your senses to the world around you. Even thank the plants around you for the air they provide you or the flowers for their beauty.
Get more IN TOUCH with the world around you and with your feelings. If the walk makes you sad, cry. Feel your feelings and don't be afraid of the negative ones. Step into your emotions. Sometimes we start obsessing over a man as a way of running away from our deep feelings. In fact, it's been proven that women with depression have more tendencies toward dramatic, unstable, adrenaline-producing relationships that keep their dopamine and serotonin levels up.
Don't be afraid of your dark feelings and learn to just "be" with yourself. Ask yourself this question:
What can I do for myself, free of a man, to feel happier with my life? What am I missing that I think only this man can provide?
Listen to your inner voice's answer. Usually we feel so lonely inside, so disconnected from our bodies, our feelings, our families, our neighbors and friends, that we think that only a man's love can makes us feel whole again. We feel like hollow vessels and we don't want to slow down and feel ourselves, so we do and do for a man, think and worry about him and our relationship, all to avoid "the silence".
It's UNFAIR to a man to put this burden on him. It's unfair to him to have him have to be around your clingy vibe. He wants to be with a woman who can enjoy life with him, not who will look to him as the solution to her life pain. He wants a woman who doesn't read into everything and has enough confidence and independence to not "freak out" if he decides he wants a night off, for example.
A clingy vibe is like a rock tied to a man's ankle, pulling him under water: You can say and do all the "right" things, but if your vibe SCREAMS with need, he will feel heavy around you, like he's drowning in your presence.