Introducing El Guapo!
Relationship Author, Pat Allen, says a man’s deepest psychic craving is to have his thoughts respected and a woman’s deepest psychic craving is to have her feelings cherished - The ying and the yang. These opposing energies according to her fuel passion, love and romance. If a woman takes the feminine role of respecting her man’s thoughts/ideas/actions, a man will take the masculine role and cherish her feelings and strive to make her happy. What does this look like? Well, I experienced it firsthand this weekend. In order to protect his privacy I am going to refer to my man as El Guapo. He is latin and hot and he is my wonderful man. El Guapo runs his own business and pretty much works 6 days a week. He travels a lot and has very little extra time. He works long hours and is always exhausted. Now enter his woman - ME! I am very understanding, loving and compassionate, but as most women I crave and love lots of attention. He is usually always there to meet these needs except sometimes he has needs too. Strange ugh? A man has needs too?? I believe the turning point for me in building a beautiful relationship is when I realized this– a man has needs and they should be respected. Sometimes he needs down time to relax and re-charge. This can be difficult for me when he has been out of town for a week and I am dying for some love – all kinds. So he tells me this weekend he cannot go with me to an event I was attending Saturday night. He nicely said,
El Guapo - “I am really exhausted and won’t make it, is that okay?”
Well here is where my relationship skills are put to the test. Did I freak out and go off on him about how much I missed him and need to see him or did I respect his needs and thoughts? Well, as my emotional internal world was collapsing (yes, I can be a bit dramatic), I took a deep breath and felt my feelings before responding. My feelings were off the hook horrible – abandonment, disappointment, anger etc…. this is what our conversation looked like,
Me - “I feel like I can’t breathe and my insides are falling apart, but I respect you need the night to rest.”
El Guapo -“Don’t do this to me, I don’t want you to feel bad”
Me - “I can’t deny I feel awful, but I am a big girl and can handle it, it’s okay”
The key here is that I meant it. No punishment, no passive aggressive behavior later and no resentment. I kept my heart opened. Expressed myself without, blame, criticism or judgement and felt the awful sensations penetrating my insides and managed my own emotions. And that was that. No more conversation about it, no drama. I respected his thoughts. So you might be wondering what about the 2nd half of the equation – cherishing my feelings??? Well… without expectation on my part (very important piece) he asked to unexpectedly come over the next day (unexpectedly because he was leaving out of town early the next day). See below,
El Guapo - “I thought all night about how understanding and accepting you were that I wanted to stay home and rest and all I could do was think of a way to give back to you and make you happy. May I come over tonight?”
Me – “Of course you can, I would love it”
Presto!!! My feelings cherished. I said yes and he came over and adored and loved me like the wonderful man he is. He said he was so grateful that I was so understanding and respected his needs and there is nothing in the world he would not do to make me happy. A potentially disastrous situation turned loving.