Letting Go of Control

THE MOST IMPORTANT WORK IS INSIDE YOUR OWN HEART

     As I have mentioned before on this blog, one relationship coach that has changed my life is Christian Carter. His programs are amazing and well worth the money. The first time I read his e-book, Catch Him and Keep Him, I cringed when I saw all the ways I was pushing men and love away. I always pointed the finger outside myself, blaming men and how incompetent they were, but Christian Carter's work helped me turn the focus inward. After reading his e-book  I was forced to look at the ways I contributed to the breakdown of my relationships. I now believe inner work for a woman is the most important goal and the only thing that will produce positive change in her love life. I learned it is not your responsibility to change what another person is doing or not doing. It is your responsibility to see what part you play, find out what walls and defenses you have and to learn your own lessons. So with that said, I am reprinting a portion of Christian's e-book here. If you like it check out his website at - www.catchhimandkeephim.com. 

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WHY TRYING TO CONVINCE HIM BACKFIRES - From Christian Carter's e-book Catch Him and Keep Him

     As a woman, what you DON'T want to do is to become the pursuer - the one trying to "convince" the man to engage in the relationship.

You might think that you don't "pursue" men, but it can happen in much more subtle ways. For instance, a pattern that can quickly destroy relationships with men is when women deal with a man's resistance or uncertainty by trying to "convince" him to change or do something they want. 

It could be about something as small as where to eat or as big as a commitment, but trying to change his ways can spell the beginning of the end. 

Women who take on the Convincer role try to control the relationship by telling the man how things should be based on how THEY see things. They don't take into account what the man is feeling and experiencing.

Convincers don't see that all the changes they're struggling for come at their own expense. They might whine, beg, plead, exaggerate, cry, get angry, or pout as they try to fix things according to their expectations. But a woman can't convince a man to change any more than a man can convince a woman to stop feeling what she feels. There's no way to force a good relationship. Convincing only leads to a closed off and distant man who will withdraw more and more until the relationship is over.......

When you act like a Convincer, you end  up working harder on the relationship, only to run into more and more resistance.

When you act like a Convincer with a man, you think you're being powerful by convincing him, but you're actually lowering your status, and you often take the role, or have the appearance, of a more "needy" woman. 

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GIVE UP CONTROL AND LET LOVE FLOW TO YOU

    So you see, we woman have to give up our controlling tendencies and stop working so hard on relationships with men. We need to stop over functioning and pushing love away. We need to use that energy to work on ourselves and the men will take notice and move closer.  Next week I will talk about how to stop controlling and how to stand still and let love come to you.