Express or Attack?
PHOTO: KATE VOKOVICH
They say we enter into relationships to shine a light on our negative emotional patterns so we can transform these lower emotions, patterns and beliefs into Love. We come together so that we can more clearly see our issues. If we are brave enough we can then start to heal them through acceptance and getting in touch with our feelings. How often do you feel your buttons being pushed by your partner? Well, if you feel this often you are on the right path. This is exactly what the relationship is for – to show you where you need to heal. When your buttons are pushed do you attack the other or do you take responsibility for your feelings and reactions and calmly express what you are feeling? Attacking the other with blame and judgement is the easy way out and most of us react this way because it is what we learned from those around us and it is the norm. It is the brave ones, the women that are tired of drama and pain that set out to do something different. When you are seething in anger, disappointment or sadness, the last thing you want to do is relax and go within to see if an old wound is being poked at. The last thing you want to do is let your partner off the hook. Yet, if you want to grow and experience a life full of love, peace and joy you must begin this journey of awareness. You must begin to use your relationship as a way to see where you need healing.
For example, your partner chooses not to invite you to an event – A fire in your chest starts to burn and quickly the energy reaches your mind where you begin to think thoughts that make you want to attack. Instead, take a moment to be still, turn your mind off, breathe into the place in your body where it hurts and relax and release. Do this for a few minutes to get in touch with the part of you that hurts. Then realize that your partner has their reasons (wounds) for doing what they do and these reasons will not ever make sense to you. So do not try to understand or rationalize why they do what they do. Accept and begin the process of not taking it so personal. Part of loving someone is having compassion and mercy. Use the situation as an opportunity to get to know yourself deeply and heal.
When your partner asks you “What’s wrong?” Do not say nothing and begin to build up resentment. Say “I feel awful that I did not get to go to that event, I feel like my chest is on fire” and then let it go. You own your feelings, express them and step into acceptance about the situation. This is the most attractive thing in the world to a man. A low-drama woman who can control her emotions, express her feelings in a calm way and most importantly let it go! It is a recipe for self-growth and beautiful love. As relationship coach Christian Carter says, “Relationships are not meant to make you happy” they are meant to heal you and make you grow.